GOOD ADVICE

"Stand at the brink of despair, and when you see that you cannot bear it anymore, draw back a little, and have a cup of tea." 

                                                     ~~~~ Elder Sophrony of Essex

BELTANE

Tonight (April 30th) is Beltane eve, drawing us through the night to the dawn of the season of Beltane, the season of the sun. For the next three moons the Celtic calendar was focused on the warmth and light of the sun, of the strength of light over darkness with the summer solstice in the middle. It was the season of celebrations and feasting, but also of war and reclaiming what may have been taken from you, and of battling the enemy.

For the Celtic Christians this celebration and season lost none of its potency. It was a celebration of the Sun of Righteousness (a prophetic term for the Messiah), who comes, according to the prophet Malachi, with healing. It is a celebration of the strength of the Light of the world over spiritual darkness, and of reclaiming through ‘the Sun of Righteousness’ all and any parts of your life which have been taken from you by spiritual darkness, or ‘the enemy’.

Happy Beltane!

May the Great Light overcome all your inner darkness,
May the warmth and healing of the Sun of Righteousness be with you and within you,
And may you know the overcoming of 'the enemy' and a reclaiming of any part of your life or inner self which has been lost.

ACCORDING TO KIND

         

A fish cannot drown in water.

A bird does not fall in air.

In the fire of creation.

Gold doesn't vanish,

The fire brightens.

Each creature God made

Must live in its own true nature.

How can I resist my nature

That lives for oneness with God?

~~~~ Mechtild of Magdeburg 

STORYTELLING

"Storytelling is healing. As we reveal ourselves in story, we become aware of the continuing core of our lives under the fragmented surface of our experience. We become aware of the multifaceted, multichaptered 'I' who is the storyteller. We can trace out the paradoxical and even contradictory versions of ourselves that we create for different occasions, different audiences... Most important, as we become aware of ourselves as storytellers, we realized that what we understand and imagine about ourselves is a story. And when we know all this, we can use our stories to heal and make ourselves whole." —Susan Wittig Albert, Writing From Life

DE-CLUTTERING + ORGANIZING = PURGING

Thought I’d get your attention!

You know it isn’t just us (you, me, maybe a couple others), but as a society, including within secular circles, among folks who have little spiritual insight nor “feeling”. In the world, those who have given it thought tend to believe it has to do with the over- muchness of our material life, which is non-sustainable, as well as unjust to most who live on this earth. In other words, it’s not right that so few have so much, and we can’t keep doing this anyway, our resources are running out.

For those who may have spiritual inclinations, Christian or otherwise, the sense is that our “stuff’ has not just cluttered our physical living and working spaces, but have cluttered our hearts and souls as well. An increasing chaos which increases stress, just by having it around, this is not good for our body-mind-spirit, individually nor collectively.

For Christians, I think it’s “same old same old”, in that there has always been a tension between ascetism (think hermits and some orders of religious brothers and sisters, think of Saint Francis of Assisi who on his conversion went to the Vatican and appeared to the Pope of that time naked) and the prosperity gospel thing (God loves us so wants us to have have have…). Not too many of us have it figured out.

For my husband and me, it’s been interesting. I cannot imagine all the stuff that continues to come out of his closet--- “old records”--- of every description, that he is now heaving. HOW and WHY he kept it all, other than his accountant mindset, and HOW and WHY we had to move it all….. is absolutely beyond me.

As for me, it took way too long to get through all of my mother’s things which were in the storage unit. The first year after she died I could not do it at all. After which I could do it in nanoseconds, gradually working up to minutes and finally to as much as a half hour. Jack was very helpful and very patient with me. (Just for the record, now that it’s gone I had a burst of anger at my brother, who left all her care and all her things for me to deal with, without any assistance from him. But we digress. And that anger went rather quickly. I think. Because I realize, deep down, he just CAN’T). And now that it IS done and it IS gone, such a sense of freedom!

All our stuff is now where we live! Cars are empty of stuff. And each closet, each drawer, each cabinet is getting pared down. To the essentials. And even more, clothing may be essential, but if it hasn’t been used, or no longer fits--- no matter how we may wish to think it may again--- going to be used by someone else. If it exists it needs to be useful. If not to me or to us, then to someone else.

FROM THE SUBLIME TO THE RIDICULOUS

Remember that a couple weeks ago or thereabouts I had a Visitation from the Lord? And John had a dream?

Look at all that's happened since then. How does it fit together? Does it?

Sunday night thankfully Jack slept well, after the blow we took that morning about the job not working out. But I did not. 

I was awake almost the entire night having what I can only describe as an Intensive Life Review. Not like when dying it is said we have our entire lives flash before us...... It took hours and was very detailed. And in truth I had that "flash" long time ago, just before I married Mark........ So perhaps that was a kind of death. That's how it worked out for sure.

No, this Life Review was quite different from that, and from anything I have ever experienced before.

Because so many different things have happened to me, I've lived in different places, had multiple marriages, I have tended to see all of these as Separate Lives. They have not been of one piece for me. Looking at it that way, I appear to have had at least Nine Lives! So far!

Even though not seen as Separate Lives, for sure there were different Sections, Segments, Pieces, or perhaps Chapters, depending on whether the preferred metaphor is a Quilt, a Film, a Musical Composition, or a Book. Whatever else, it was My Life in full technicolor and brilliantly lit, could not fail to not see everything, just as it was. And much of it was.... NOT GOOD.

So many traumas and so many difficulties!  So many times I could have died. So many times perhaps I SHOULD have died, or wanted to. Just to escape from this particular scene in my life. Of course there were good parts too, but honestly, I can say with all due respect, the only reason I am still alive now is purely and simply the Grace and Mercy of God!

NOTES ON THE VISITATION

NOTE: Jack has had maybe a half dozen dreams in which St Paul appeared. He finds that strange, because he has never had a big interest or devotion to him. As a Catholic , when he was confirmed he took the name Joseph, and considers St Joseph to be his “patron saint”, especially in the guise of St Joseph the Worker. Jack respects work, and also that St Joseph took care of his family, protected his family. Only lately has he been seeing this in a bigger and more symbolic way, that St Joseph also has the designation of being the Protector of the Church, starting with Mary, the Blessed Mother, being the First Church. And of course, as he is Irish, he is fond of St Patrick. Already talking about Corned Beef and Cabbage on St Patty’s Day!

ANOTHER NOTE: I have from time to time seen Our Lord, sometimes only for mere nano-seconds, a few times longer or more significantly. The most significant time I ever saw Him was while living at the Haven of Grace in Woonsocket, during an especially difficult time in my recovery (from many things), a turning point when things could have gone any which way. I went to sit outside on the second floor porch, and just like that, there He was! Very bright and glowing, mainly I remember His eyes, those exquisite eyes, looking at me, into me, through me. He gave me a vision of my whole life and how everything I did and every choice I made effected not just myself, but everyone and everything around me. I saw how at that moment my choices were to affect the lives of so many, and events all around the world, through space and time, and into Eternity. And yet I had CHOICE. And I was set FREE then and there, like never before. Things have never been the same for me since this Visitation.

My sense is that somehow this is another significant Visitation.

As I was drifting off, still in some kind of prayer, I heard Him say “LOOK AND SEE--- I AM MAKING A NEW THING--- FOR YOU—AND FOR JOHN--- BUT FIRST YOU (meaning me) MUST COMPLETE UNFINISHED PROJECTS”.  He was kind enough to very definitely show me three of these; a class with written work to complete for a certificate, a devotional with a goal of renewed dedication in its conclusion, and of course the baby quilt. SO, with the time off I have right now to recuperate from surgery, I will do these, as much as possible. And it was clear that I am NOT to start anything else till these are done.

He also showed me some other categories of things for me--- and for both of us--- to sort out and work through. Our Lord is so organized!

And these categories were INTERRUPTED, PROCRASTINATED, AND IN-PROCESS. For example, for INTERRUPTED He showed me in the pool at the Y, swimming laps, getting into the “zone” and really working it, getting into the splashes and drops and movement of the water and the lights I the water, becoming first the Rainbow Fish, then the Green Frog, and then the Pink Dolphin--- in other words, He enjoys this with me! And when healed up I am to go back. PROCRASTINATED goes along with the UNFINISHED PROJECTS, but of course there is more…. And IN-PROCESS includes how we’ve completed the process of application to be Nursery Helpers at CTR and will be scheduled, again, once recuperation is complete.

A VISITATION

Last night I saw Our Lord!

Not due to medication, even though some remnants of anesthesia from surgery earlier in the day may have been still in my system--- nothing to do with this!

I was in bed, for the night, and praying, as I do, before going to sleep. I went into a deep place in the prayer, as sometimes happens, but has not happened for some time. The atmosphere became heavy and warm, I could hear tinkling sounds, like little bells, softly, all around me, and began to smell sweet incense. The back of my closed eyelids changed from dark to bright colors, and so I opened my eyes to take a peek….

And saw HIM, Our Lord Jesus, on the cross, hanging with His head down, His eyes closed. Surrounded by flames, not of fire but of gold, with sparkles of gold dust everywhere. The flames took over the room, the house, the world… enveloped me in sweetness and in warmth. I could not take my eyes off of Our Lord!

And then His appearance changed, from the One hanging on the cross with His head down, eyes closed. First His eyes opened and then--- He was standing--- with the cross behind Him, the brightest white light in Him and around Him and through Him…..

He looked right at me and His eyes looked into mine, into my soul and my entire being. I was suffused with warmth… except for the right knee, where the surgical site was, which turned icy cold. Not unpleasant but strange. It felt like it was being healed from the inside out by this icy cold. In time, between the warmth and that feeling of cold to my knee, I closed my eyes….

When I opened them a little later He was gone, the golden flames were gone… I blinked my eyes and then I saw, gentle angels, in a blue-white glow, like the moon when it is full and spreads its reflected light onto still water, surrounding me, surrounding US--- as John was next to me the whole time, and slept right through it all. I saw one angel put fingers to his mouth, like “Shhh...” and then drifted off to sleep, wondering HOW John could have slept through all that, and not have noticed anything!

When he woke in the morning he told me of a dream he had during the night. He doesn’t remember too many of his dreams, so this seemed significant.

As he recalled he was in his suit and it felt like he was going someplace to work. On the way there several men, also in suits, one or two with briefcases, met him on the way and engaged him in conversation. Before long it took on the tone of a job interview, by committee. John was listening and answering their questions, and they seemed to like what they heard. One man, who appeared to be the one in charge, told him they were very interested in him and might be offering him a job in the near future. And John said what he frequently says, it’s sort of a motto of his… “As long as it’s honest work, I’m happy to do it”.

At which point they all got nervous and the man in charge asked him why he said that? Was he implying their business wasn’t honest? Was he privy to information about them the public didn’t have?  John remembers looking him in the eye and telling him he was now uncomfortable with these proceedings and was going to walk away.

As he was walking away, a person he recognized from a couple previous dreams he’s had as St Paul appeared. St Paul shook his hand and gave him a man-hug and told him he had done the right thing, and that the Lord was very pleased with him. In the distance, over St Paul’s shoulder, John saw St Patrick making the Sign of the Cross towards him, and he felt very happy.

So though he slept through it, he too was affected by the Visitation!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ONE MONTH OLD!

AND NOW.....

IN A NUTSHELL, BRIEFLY

Having some interesting internal shifts...... kind of like seismic seizures of the spirit. This afternoon have been reading and taking notes on the book I'm reading, INNER RIVER. This has helped me understand some of the internal workings in my being lately.

So,

"Seismic seizures of the spirit" just kind of indicates that I have a way with words, especially if they are alliterative. These internal things are not like the "spiritual emergency" I had several years ago, but are pushing me, gently and now not so gently, to move on to another level. It's kind of pleasant to plateau, some of them can be quite nice. And I've been concerning myself with what God is doing in Jack...... I've gone from plateau to plateau over time, and while it can be invigorating, it can also be tiring. Climbing up that Ladder to Heaven, that Holy Mountain..... climbing is a verb, and up is against the natural inclinations of gravity.

Of course, what my husband is going through affects me. His forced retirement which reduced our income affects me. His bad moods about that and not finding another job affect me. But how they affect me...... is a mover to my own crisis, opportunity, and hopefully growth.

So, in this book, written by a Greek Orthodox laymen, sociology professor at the University of Maine, who has had for many years an elder-type relationship with a monk, an abbot, from an ancient monastery on one of the Greek Islands, Cyprus, that retains traditions from the time of St Paul who preached there.......

has given me a framework, which is just a way of thinking, that is different from what I've been exposed to via my Evangelical upbringing and Catholic catechesis. Don't worry, I'm not converting to yet another church! It's just that some of those things rumbling around inside, that I have been without the words for, now may have them. 

I want desperately to have more Quiet Time, more personal relationship with God? Almost like a complaint---- but not quite---- as we know that God HATES complaining---- and mostly I'm pleased with the life He has blessed me with, busy though it has become. More like a lament--- longing for Him, just for His Presence, with me and around me and in me, that "As a deer panteth for the water so my soul longeth after Thee...." sort of thing.

And it's not been like a depression--- even though at times our moods have been down, dealing with job disappointments and stresses with the kids and grandchild--- in that the things I have and the activities I engage in for the most part do give me pleasure. I like where I live well enough and I enjoy keeping it (it's just not HOME), the food we have is fine and I enjoy cooking it, love my kitty and snuggling with her, love my books and notebooks and computer, enjoy going to work and being productive doing something I honestly consider worthwhile, enjoy taking walks and going swimming at the YMCA, and truly love my husband and being with him, in every way. It's just that it's not quite enough. Which of course we know that the things of this world are not--- enough--- and such pleasures are fleeting and will fade in the, for lack of a better word, Immenseness of Eternity.

So, briefly:

Orthodoxy speaks of humans being created in the Image of God, that we have the Icon of the Divine built into us. This was shattered in the Fall. (MY NOTE: "All the kings' horses and all the king's men couldn't put Humpty Dumpty together again", though a nursery rhyme, refers to the prophets and priests and our fallen and shattered condition.).

Christ's historic presence was of the Divine Archetype Manifest (AKA Word made flesh). His coming, and especially the Crucifixion was the Therapeutic Event which helps us heal our estrangement from God.

And so we have the Ecclesia, Church, meant to be a Spiritual Hospital, whose mission is to help us overcome our Existential Illness (Original Sin). It prescribes Askesis, Spiritual Exercises, such as Fasting, Prayer, Scripture Study, Vigils, Confession, Communion, as methods to restore humanity's wholeness & spiritual health. These can be likened to Physical Therapy, which prescribes exercises to restore movement & functional abilities.

Orthodoxy refers to the Threefold Way:

1) Catharsis- purification of the soul from egotistical passions

2) Fotisis- illumination and enlightenment of the Soul

3) Theosis- union of the soul with God


Not to put too fine a point on it, but these are stages a soul goes through in its development, much like a body goes from little to big, though crawling to walking to running and back again, and a mind goes through stages in talking, reading, intellect and beyond. Not all persons develop to the same degree, whether physically or spiritually. We have limited choice about the physical, though we do have some, being able to maximize our chances of health or illness, our ability to understand the world around us, and so we have choices in the spiritual.

{CHOICE is also an interesting phenemena, but I digress. Another time. Perhaps.}

So it appears that I've been at Stage 1 for a LONG time, that of Catharsis. Not that I'm done with it, purification is continually necessary, on a daily and moment-ly basis. It's built into the "Twelve Steps" in fact, as crucial, to overcome addiction, considered to be a particular Spiritual Illness. So we search our souls and "when wrong promptly admit it" and if possible, go frequently to Confession. Lifelong process, purification.

Nonethless, at a certain point, that only God knows, we are pushed from purification to move on to Fotisis, the stage which prepares our souls to meet Him. Of course, we meet Him from time to time, experience a felt sense of His Presence here and there. Sometimes we experience this a good part of the time, sometimes not. This is where I am now, and it's frustrating, very. But now I have hope, that climbing up again, I'll eventually get to new places, and come to a new plateau.

Just like Much-Afraid in the book HINDS FEET ON HIGH PLACES! Her companions on the Way were Sorrow & Suffering...... But she knew The Shepherd and got to know Him better, become closer to His heart.......

Anyway, that's the gist of it.

TO US A GRANDSON IS BORN!

And his name is SIMON GRAY NYSTEDT. Born December 30, 2013. 7 lb and 7 oz. 20.5 inches long.

A truly remarkable child, in every way!